RIGHT, who needs enemies right !? [casa does a guest post]

Ladies and Gentlemen: We have gathered here today, to give you an opportunity to participate in the auction, of Gay Bombay’s finest, rarest, cutest, hottest and poorest find – Once Again. *drum rolls* All proceeds from the auction will be donated to the Send-Once-Again-to-Shop-at-Gucci Foundation, which participates only in the most worthy and humanitarian of all causes. Shopping, that is. Luxury shopping only, though. Yes. Poor we might be, but we are still classy. Broke we might be, but we are still snobbish. *ahem*

So please turn your attention to Exhibit A, slouching standing at the center of this stage. Admire that perfect face, that charming smile, that trimmed bod, that cute ass… What? Did I hear someone call him fat? Oh no no, he isn’t. That is just, ummm, bad lighting. Yes indeed gentlemen, I assure you he isn’t rotund or plump or any such. Did you say he looks a bit old? Oh c’mon, your vision is impaired. He is the freshest and finest and maturest of them all. Really. Oh, and he speaks well too. Oh who sniggers there at the back? He does speak! He does. When he is in a good mood, that is. No no, he doesn’t bite. Often. What did I hear you say? An alcoholic? Never. Never does he drink. At 9 in the morning. Never.

So let the bidding start. Remember, the exhibit is open to dating the best bidder. No no, not the highest bidder. Yes we are auctioning him out and pimping him out and handing him out, but we still have a stubborn nose and stiff upper lip. WE DECIDE who deserves to win this auction. Of course, obscene show of wealth will only help your case. If you are not butt-ugly, that is.

Yes, the gentleman on table 4? Did you put your hand up? What? Oh we don’t start that low. We are auctioning Once Again here, not his last season’s black shirt that doesn’t fit him anymore! C’mon sir, you can do better than that.

Yes, sir, you in the corner? You want to bid? Can you please remove that brown paper-bag from your head before you quote a price? Geez! We really aren’t high on the cuteness index there, are we?

Yes, that is a promising hand coming up on the right side. The hand that is attached to that tall hot thing with a cute face? Very encouraging sir, please put a bid sir. No, no, exhibit is not interested in threesomes with you and your wife. Sorry didn’t you read the invite? It said D-A-T-I-N-G.

Yes, that investment banker wearing a dollar-patterned suit? Yes sir? Is that the price you are quoting? What… you want him not to throw tantrums, not to argue and not to spend your money? No sir. We cant accept such terms. One must allow the exhibit to binge on your hardly-hard-earned bonus made by stuffing stupid corporations in Romania with junk bonds.

Yes, that is a promising face and a promising price in the center of the room… *exhibit interrupts* Oh apparently exhibit has already dated you in the past sir and does not wish to repeat the mistake. Very tempting offer sir, but we must decline. And please throw that 10-year old photo of the exhibit you are holding on to. It wont help.

You sir? You should not even be this room! The exhibit is looking for a date, not a grandfather. No sir, sugar-daddies come with an age limit. You are twice as old as the age limit itself. No sir, please go home to your old dog and old TV and old couch. Please sir.

Yes Ma’am? You are interested? Oh sadly the exhibit does not shake that way. Yes Ma’am, sigh, such is the life. I mean, if he did, I wouldn’t be auctioning him away to others, now would I?

Yes, that bunch of teenyboppers there? Oh how old did you say you were? 20? Really? You look, erm, much younger. Yes can I see your ID please? No sirs, 15 is not the age to be bidding for this fine, desirable exhibit here.

Oh, did we already reject everyone’s bids? Anyone, anyone? Anyone in this room, who the exhibit might consider worth dating? That is disappointing sirs, that is, I tell you. We will have to close the auction this week Ladies and Gentlemen. We will reopen the auction on Once Again next Friday. Same place, same time. And yes there will be cosmopolitans and martinees at the cocktail reception. And hopefully, there will also be a cute, single, smart, fun, gay, adult bidder for the exhibit. In the meantime, if you want to make a private placement offer, please email me at Casa.Wall@gmail.com and pray for a reply. Oh, and don’t forget to mention the auctioneer’s commission, thank you.