....

2007 bought in a lot, more than I had expected. The biggest change ever really was me shifting careers, growing the balls and making a decision. best change ever.

And 2007, also bought some major family illness, almost 3 quaters of the year was spent in and out of waiting rooms and hospitals. Both my parents. One almost with cancer and the other with some brain numbing diabities related issues.

As if illness wasn't enough, along came the "pressure" to get married. Yesterday as Gutterspace and I sat at a coffee shop near home, where she cribbed about not being able to smoke and I cribbed about the coffee, we bumped into my aunts and cousins. My mother's elder sister is now most convinced I am seeing Gutterspace. I mean why else why would I sit in a coffee shop with a girl.

I spent all afternoon getting drunk at home. It was much fun. Absolut vodka shots with my cousins. One underage and the other barely legal to be getting drunk. Alcohol truly is the answer to all questions in my life. How else do you explain a sunday afternoon barbeque with your family that you detest.

You do not attempt such things, no explaining annoying barbeques, instead you proceed to get drunk and smile everytime annoying aunt says get married. You do however must practise really hard to ignore annoying lil voice in the head which says SLAP HER YOU BASTARD !!!

- SLAP -

Oh how I wish.

Surprisingly I have no plans yet for tomorrow. And I am in no hurry to make any. No commerical parties, no annoying music and no binge drinking. We are gonna celebrate in style and well, we do have 24 hours to figure out what exactly we mean by style.

Something tells me we'll manage, we've done pretty well thru 2007.

Bring it on 2008, cuz I really am in the mood to kick some mighty ass.

first drink. then drunk. see u in the loo !!! [wooohooooo]

thus the wise said.

do not drink and when u do, do not make a fool of thyself. do not make out in the back of an innova which is filled with people and then upon reaching destination do not abandon the world and disappear into the loo, the world will know what you are upto.

and yes if you've done it, then be good and own up. Because the boy was hot and t'was much fun, and there thats one thing to check of the list. Also try not painting the hot boi with hickies galore.


also if drinking, carry cash, lots of it, cuz when drunk, DO NOT ATTEMPT to withdraw from atm. Because you will not only NOT get any cash, you will also have your atm card blocked and thus you will not have any money to pay the cab you just rode in and try explaining that at 6.15 am to a cabbie that your card just got blocked and you have no money, like zero rupees, except for like a 25p coin [and why would I even have that !? do people still keep those !?] and yes you are an hour away from home because when you were drunk, you have no idea where u were headed to. So you drove from home to town, parked your car there, sat in random car, ended up in lokhandwala and then cabbed in back to town only to drive back home.

Such fun. Don't drink and drive tho, it's not good.

Drink.
get drunk.
club hop
have sex in the loo
end up in random part of town
and then when u recover from being drunk
and reality sinks in
travel in a cab with no money
and then
drive home.
good boy you.

....

all my life I ran behind it and now I suck at it.

blah, irony

and this is how we do it ...

Well, there might just be a reason explainable enough to why I am the freak magnet, because umm errr maybe I am the freak myself.

me:- hell0
lady:- good evening taj lands end, how may I help you ?

inner voice1:- oooh, oooh, now you must sound all hot and hunky dory and flirt with her
inner voice 2:- but why would I !? it's not like I'll ever get to meet her, she's a friggin telephone operator who I will NEVER see
inner voice1:- yes yes, but flirt.
inner voice2:- but she's a woman !!!
inner voice1:- JUST FLIRT !!!
inner voice2:- fine, whatever.

me:- Oh hi
lady:- yes, hello sir

inner voice1 :- must must must sound impressive, now ask her name and then address her using her first name.

lady:- hello?!

me:- oh yes, whom am I speaking with
lady:- this is the operator
me:- well, hello opeator how are you today !?
lady:- almost chokes

silence

inner voice 2:- silence
inner voice 1:- silence

lady:- yes, how may I help you sir

of course, I hung up.

because I am still next in line

Remember M !? Yes, she who got married and moved away to australia. Yes, bitch. And remember S, who a few days after M's wedding told me he was gonna get married too !? Yes, bitch. Well, his wedding date is fixed. Yes, I am gonna die single, fat and drunk. Bitches.

It's after about two weeks that I am home and not attending any wedding related event. Until next week that is when I go to delhi for a wedding of course, that bloody well if I decide I want to go. I am fat and delhi has hot men and hot men and fat me is not a good combination.

Which reminds me to tell you, I almost registered for the Mumbai Marathon today, only that I did not. Because the 6km dream run was full and I don't do 21 km's. Hell, I don't do 6km's even. But then the cousin and husband have registered and in an attempt to resemble the human race again, I am going to start running with them or as she put it, panting while they run.

I am still contemplating delhi. Hot men, cold weather, winter fashion, layered clothes and I could just pass off as non-fat.

well, its the 18th day of july, his wedding. 8 months to get into shape and I am going to make sure he buys me nice clothes. Thats the least they can do for me. Buy me new clothes and take me along on the honeymoon, since I am not gonna get either.

Gutterspace, I hope you're listening. Honeymoon-take-me-along. Bitch.

because I am in line next

so said my mothers sister in law
so said the aunt's son I don't know
so said the lady next door
so said cousin who got married last week
so said cousin's mother whose daughter was getting married
so said the random lady
so said the random lady's random husband
so said my brother in law
so said annoying drunk uncle
so said horrendously dressed lady I do NOT know
so said he
so said she
so said they

clearly, the world has not much to do other than obsessess over my marital status. Wudnt't it be fun, to have THEM ALL under one roof and tell them there're a bunch of idiots who really need a life, come clean to them and then finally look at them all in the eye, those who are hideously dressed and go "sweetieeeeee, I would'nt step out if I were you, out to the left, I spotted a puddle, large enough for you to disappear, hurry now, be good"

of course, this is what I understand makes u wanna believe I am a mascara wearing, fending carrying queen and really, I don't say sweetie ever. Really.

Ask gutterspace if u may. I was very well behaved at her wedding. Even though there were hot men galore, I ddn't drool. Like a good boy, I stood as a side kick to her side kick and we bitched about people, the clothes and the tacky gift wrappings. Whilst I would have liked to wear cee's satya paul tie on which I had previously dropped butter chicken, my collar button wouldn't shut cuz errr .... ummmm .. I HAVE BECOME FAT. So I wore the versace tie which I don't like much. So there, I am a versace tie wearing faggot, not a fendi carrying one and really I don't say "sweetie" or "dahling" ever. I do ocassionaly once in a while say "item" "chamiya" & "bijlee". I am from bombay, it happens.

and I have seen a serious overdose of HOT men & women through the past two weeks of non stop weddings. And at the cousin's wedding, there be a very very very cute guy, who looked like jas arora, u know with that wierd cute nose et all. And then yesterday at the reception, I spotted him with his brother, who wore a fuschia pink scarf and had gay scribbled all over, only he was'nt half as cute.

Of course, the perfect ending to the evening was my dream where I dreamt that a frnd of mine had a house party and suddenly I had six pack abs and I hooked up with dino morea who wasn't like dino morea at all, but looked hot none-the-less.

just another day in bom[g]bay

The profile says :-

Thanks for visiting my profile. Its true without pic... its not posible for you to meet but can you belive for just 1 meet you will b fully satisfied & whats else can i say rest is all on you.well m HOTT n SEXXX as well. And rest off all is on our meet I M INTERESTED IN FRIENDSHIP N FUN...... SO R U TRUSTING ME? GIRLISH N GAYISH PLEASE DO NOT MESSAGE plz dont feel bad but i dont like it!!!!
Spice

and the message he sent across says :-

if u wish dont scared to meet me i m not a fake person well i m nakul 23, a hotel mgt. stud rest is on u it wil gr8 to meet wit u, meet me n ..................

What can I say !? Because I can believe not, such luck I have, he almost comes with a 100% warannty and gaurantee, where does one find men like these such days. Should I trust him !?
should I !? Should I !?

he has a spicey name too. SPICE. creative boi, no !? Seems articulate too, see how he's included an element of suspense, every vein in my body is getting entangled with suspense. Meet him and .......................

He's Hot and sexxxxxxx and spice.

such luck.

he gets brownie points tho, he called me a stud and not dear.

stud and spice, spice and stud.

Imagine, this holiday season I'll send out cards. "We" I am sorry.

happy holidays.

lots of love
and hugs
and kisses
and plenty long island ice tea helpings

Stud and Spice
or would u prefer
Spice and stud
S.S
S[square]
2s
we the s's
or
or
or
spicestud
spiceystud


fine, i'll stop.

u know I used to be funny, wonder what happened.
I used to be content and its all just gone away
I wonder if it's you that I have been running away from all this time
Here you have been, right here
and I saw it not

It isn't supposed to be this way
I know
I hear you
I heart you

But there's gotta be a line
and one of us must draw it
i hate to be the one

but its drawn
the thin
feeble line
and I will do everything
to stay within that

because on your side
i feel lost
i dont feel me
and I have fought that feeling to long
to embrace it again

i am a winner
you may think so not
but really
it doesnt matter anymore
not in my side of the line
not here
no

like a phoenix from the ashes I am going to rise and shine and glow and ratdiate and glimmer and beam and sparkle

and it'll be all in a neon orange meets fuscia pink meets pistachio green in a gradient effect

oh and I halfway there, through the rising process.

really.

such fun.

I even had a psuedo club brawl at the geebee do last night and some readers of this blog go, " OMG will he stop talking about it, we saw it, its on his facebook status, his gtalk and now here too "

I wanted to punch the pervert who molested me girls. What has gay bombay become, it now has impersonators claiming to be gay but only wanting to get lucky with girls.

I did however, show him the finger and yes I recollect, I called him a donkey.

I have a scratch on my neck and B tells me he got punched on the nose trying to pull away, such fun. I have never had a brawl, let alone a drunken club brawl.

and much fun was had with my aforementioned molested friend whose right boob and left butt cheek was felt by the pervert.

Nice isn't it, I go to a geebee party, I get drunk - 5 vodka shots at one go if U must know and the girls get molested.

and I drove from town to bandra drunk and then drank some more @ card party night and then drove back home. stupid drink n driving rule. no I am not very proud.

you that moment ... when everything you sort of believe in .. defies you !?

not a very nice moment.

fullstop

but nobody ever said, endings were easy and no they're not always necessary bad.

lets just call it a beginning, shall we !?

uh - ummm, positive thinking, is it !?

and may the lord bestow upon me his mercy

but wait, I thought you were an atheist

tut tut, life comes a full circle.

yet again, did I hear you say !?!

muhahahaha

ssssssh. go away. I need peace quiet and sanity

crazy old cat man anyone !?

RIGHT, who needs enemies right !? [casa does a guest post]

Ladies and Gentlemen: We have gathered here today, to give you an opportunity to participate in the auction, of Gay Bombay’s finest, rarest, cutest, hottest and poorest find – Once Again. *drum rolls* All proceeds from the auction will be donated to the Send-Once-Again-to-Shop-at-Gucci Foundation, which participates only in the most worthy and humanitarian of all causes. Shopping, that is. Luxury shopping only, though. Yes. Poor we might be, but we are still classy. Broke we might be, but we are still snobbish. *ahem*

So please turn your attention to Exhibit A, slouching standing at the center of this stage. Admire that perfect face, that charming smile, that trimmed bod, that cute ass… What? Did I hear someone call him fat? Oh no no, he isn’t. That is just, ummm, bad lighting. Yes indeed gentlemen, I assure you he isn’t rotund or plump or any such. Did you say he looks a bit old? Oh c’mon, your vision is impaired. He is the freshest and finest and maturest of them all. Really. Oh, and he speaks well too. Oh who sniggers there at the back? He does speak! He does. When he is in a good mood, that is. No no, he doesn’t bite. Often. What did I hear you say? An alcoholic? Never. Never does he drink. At 9 in the morning. Never.

So let the bidding start. Remember, the exhibit is open to dating the best bidder. No no, not the highest bidder. Yes we are auctioning him out and pimping him out and handing him out, but we still have a stubborn nose and stiff upper lip. WE DECIDE who deserves to win this auction. Of course, obscene show of wealth will only help your case. If you are not butt-ugly, that is.

Yes, the gentleman on table 4? Did you put your hand up? What? Oh we don’t start that low. We are auctioning Once Again here, not his last season’s black shirt that doesn’t fit him anymore! C’mon sir, you can do better than that.

Yes, sir, you in the corner? You want to bid? Can you please remove that brown paper-bag from your head before you quote a price? Geez! We really aren’t high on the cuteness index there, are we?

Yes, that is a promising hand coming up on the right side. The hand that is attached to that tall hot thing with a cute face? Very encouraging sir, please put a bid sir. No, no, exhibit is not interested in threesomes with you and your wife. Sorry didn’t you read the invite? It said D-A-T-I-N-G.

Yes, that investment banker wearing a dollar-patterned suit? Yes sir? Is that the price you are quoting? What… you want him not to throw tantrums, not to argue and not to spend your money? No sir. We cant accept such terms. One must allow the exhibit to binge on your hardly-hard-earned bonus made by stuffing stupid corporations in Romania with junk bonds.

Yes, that is a promising face and a promising price in the center of the room… *exhibit interrupts* Oh apparently exhibit has already dated you in the past sir and does not wish to repeat the mistake. Very tempting offer sir, but we must decline. And please throw that 10-year old photo of the exhibit you are holding on to. It wont help.

You sir? You should not even be this room! The exhibit is looking for a date, not a grandfather. No sir, sugar-daddies come with an age limit. You are twice as old as the age limit itself. No sir, please go home to your old dog and old TV and old couch. Please sir.

Yes Ma’am? You are interested? Oh sadly the exhibit does not shake that way. Yes Ma’am, sigh, such is the life. I mean, if he did, I wouldn’t be auctioning him away to others, now would I?

Yes, that bunch of teenyboppers there? Oh how old did you say you were? 20? Really? You look, erm, much younger. Yes can I see your ID please? No sirs, 15 is not the age to be bidding for this fine, desirable exhibit here.

Oh, did we already reject everyone’s bids? Anyone, anyone? Anyone in this room, who the exhibit might consider worth dating? That is disappointing sirs, that is, I tell you. We will have to close the auction this week Ladies and Gentlemen. We will reopen the auction on Once Again next Friday. Same place, same time. And yes there will be cosmopolitans and martinees at the cocktail reception. And hopefully, there will also be a cute, single, smart, fun, gay, adult bidder for the exhibit. In the meantime, if you want to make a private placement offer, please email me at Casa.Wall@gmail.com and pray for a reply. Oh, and don’t forget to mention the auctioneer’s commission, thank you.

anybody home !?

Yes, I know I have been conspicuous by my absence and time and again, maybe ten times and sometimes twenty, you log in here, refresh your page and wonder "what happened to once again!? Is he out saving the world !?"

Well, from bad design and fashion, yes he is.

But he's also recuperating.

-gasp- do I hear you go !? sit down and fret not, cuz he's simply being dramatic.

Yes, life is being tuff and all of that and yes you wonder, just how much will once again have to endure, but really I am alright. Fine, maybe a tad lonely and a tad sad, but really I am fine. Ok, a tad overweight and a tad broke but besides that really I am fine and oh work is great, thank you.

So earlier this week, M finally left. She's gone. forever. never to return, of course except maybe once in two years for a month or maybe two. But that isn't the same, is it !? And yes, S gets married next year july. Not a very good feeling, lemme tell you. I want my friends back. I want life back. I want the comfort. I want the freedom to be stupid, I want the freedom to be me. I don't want to compete because I am scared I will lose. Is it asking for too much, that my frnds be miserable just like me !?

someone suggested I should be more positive, less pessimistic, more optimistic, see the glass half full as opposed to half empty, the silver lining and yada yada.

Maybe I should.

Maybe I will.

But until then, there are a thousand thoughts jumbled up in my head. And thought by thought, patiently I untangle them. It's going good, lemme tell you. And at times it's fun contemplating the future.

Does make one a tad lonely, but its fun nevertheless , though a lil uneasy, but that's really because I havnt smoked in three weeks now. Which is not a good thing. Cuz a bloke needs his smoke and someone's just taken away mine along with my mojo

and I want my mojo back.
and
I
will
get
it
back.

Did I hear you cry - " can once again get thru it all? will his strength support his unquenchable spirit? "

fret not.
the mojo will be back.
hopefully.

p.s:- i kept half a roza because I forgot I was to fast and ate breakfast, but post that I fasted and then had the yummiest chicken canopies for iftari. yum. and that is what one calls a perfectly non fitting arbit ending.

and the world cries " he's done it again, he's done it again"

a post in which I am hungover, unwell, tired, broke and whiney

so basically, nothing new.

I hereby publicly announce that I will make all sincere attempts to not drink myself silly on purpose. [yea ok, whatever]

or atleast when I have drunk myself silly one night, I will try not to drink the next night. try

did you know excessive drinking can give you the loosies !?

according to my mother, I have a cold [ a real bad one at that ] because I have been drinking again. Really !?

She thinks I had "A" drink.

we met the casa. much fun was had. she saw what gb is all about. the horror, the tribulations of my existence.

we will blame casa for getting me drunk. her fault, really.

and we will thank her for the lovely ikea lamps and the lovely breakfast, yummy pancakes

My bestestest friend M who got married earlier in may this year got her visa and will be gone FOREVER in approx 15 days.

I don't like it.

If that wasn't enough, S had to break the news to me that his grandmother [yea whatever woman] wants to see him married because she believes she may die and thus they have almost finalized the dates for his wedding, the 1st day of march/july'08.

So my only two childhood friends are now gonna be married, with one of them having relocated.

I really don't like it.

With S's wedding now happening, he's only like the 21st person my age whose getting married.

Yes 20 other people I know, friends, acquaintances, cousins, people I'd like to kill, people I loathe, people I positively will kill one day are all getting married.

So basically they will have families and children and will go on holidays and I will have prada and gucci and go to amsterdam.

did u also know that when you want to pee really bad and I mean like i-am-contemplating-maybe-i-shud-pee-in-the-empty-plastic-bottle-bad pee you can't walk. Like you actually limp as if you sprained ur leg, but its only that your balls friggin ache.

my teeth hurth, no my jaw actually. cuz I have only like sneezed 283 times today

maybe, sneezing and having the loosies will amount to good calorie burning

and casa said, I am not half as gay as my blog makes me sound. so what did she expect !? A flaming queen with a fendi handbag and green rimmed glasses with masacara'ed eyes who goes to the spa to get a clean up every 15 days !?!

OKAY FINE, I do get a clean up every 30 days. FINE. HAPPY. But only because its hygienic and black heads are not good.

really.

its called, someone please take my foot and shove it my mouth syndrome.

so I have not one but two sites coming to an end. which means double the oh-my-god, this isn't right, double the oh no you must choose the fabric I liked and not the one you did, cuz lets face it ... a] you're like errr paying me and b] you wudn't even want to make an underwear out of that, your penis might just get scared and retract thanks to the catastrophe u'd have inflicted.

but then do clients learn, no they do not. So I needed a mirror and my point being this one client had been eating my brains to stop by and check this mirror he claimed, I would love. "I bought it from this old Iranian lady when I moved to mumbai", he proclaimed.

Errr. Ok. Send it over to the site then, I'll have a look.

Him:- So did you see the mirror
me:- oh, you've sent it on site, cool, lemme see
him:- yes, I did yesterday, I think its in the master bedroom
me:- ummm, no I don't see nothing here
him:- It's on site I am sure
me:- No Mr.R, theres nothing here,except this really horrid white round framed mirror in what looks like plastic, oh god yes, plastic. thats all, you sure the contractor got it on sie?

- silence -

me:- Mr R !?
him:- Ummm, yes that is the one, the mirror
me:- ummmm, oh okay.

- silence -

me:- it's like plastic ...
him:- yea, we don't have to ....
me:- oh goodie. it's nice tho, but yea, lets not use it.

but seriously, WHAT WAS HE THINKING.

anyways, we are using it, in one bathroom. its ugly. but then hey, the domestic help needs a mirror too, no !?

and once again

sigh

- sob-sob-sob-sob-sob -

cuz now orkut says

male, 25, single
Bombay, Maharashtra
India.

i-am-old-and-fat-and-single-and-have-an-alcohol-problem-and-i-am-gonna-die-smoking

only good thing being

atleast, I'll die wearing a nice pair of uber cool green puma shoes, with a yet to come into my hands gucci wallet in the pocket of my new but need alteration-cuz-i-am-short esprit denims, with a nice sling bag from hi-design, with me skin which'd be lovely and glowie glowie thanks to the forest essential gift vouchers, probably high on unmentionable substances gifted to me and i'd be smelling like heaven thanks to 212, happy that in my room there hangs yet another nice work of art.


besides the growing old part, birthdays can actually be fun. the fact that u're drunk at 3.30 in the afternoon over brunch cud be responsible to that feeling of joy.

blimey ! I dare say I am addicted.

six books down in two weeks

one to go

and then I can reclaim some existence of social life.

did they really have to kill dumbledore tho !? sigh

and one must remember to savor the book, no more than one chapter a day.

its worrisome innit, that I actually considered taking the bus to go out for dinner the other night, only so that I could read some.

enter orgasm !!!

So, I will finally have a gucci wallet by the end of august :-) [excuse the bad image quality]

HEE HAW !!!

ok wait, thats not how I really orgasm.

Really, I don't.

You believe me, dunchyu !?

WTF.

HEEEE HAWWWW !!!!

p.s:- I lurveeeeeee you ms.verma :-) I reallly reallly reallly do

thats why I dont like couples !!!

hmph [throws look of disdain]

imagine a couple A and B. Both are your friends so when it is their happy birthday day, you are expected to buy "A" a gift and "B" a gift.

but

but

but

but

when it is your happy birthday day, they get to buy only one and sign off saying, love "AB"

LOVE MY ARSE.

One gift per person only . No couple business here. Nope.

edited later:- thanks to my beloved frnd, just passing by, its one gift per person minimum :) Multiple gifts shall only win the gifter!?! brownie points :D

ok, i am talking to myself

It doesn't help sometimes right, however hard you do try and repeatedly remind yourself, I am beyond this, I am above this, I can do it, I should do it and I will so kick ass, bitch. But it gets you, face down. It's not working, you remind yourself, it's not fucking working.

And then slowly, somewhere you calm down ... you breathe and a faint voice tells you, maybe this time it'll all work out. Something will, at least. It's coming your way, promise. You'll meet someone nice, work will start looking up[per], things will get a lot better. It's a promise. [yea, i sorta promise myself a lot of things]

Sigh life, vexatious life.

edited after 15 minutes

And then ... when you turn away, for a moment that is, you realize your father has walked up, standing right behind, reading what you had just typed up.

me:- dad, do you mind, you know I don't like it when you peep like this
him:- you're my son
me:- So !? It's personal, please
him:- What is so personal that you can't share with your parents, what am I to assume now, are you doing something wrong !?

INDIAN PARENTS !!!

and the faint voice goes, get ready to curl into fetus-like position and die, 25 in 17 days ...

-gulp-
-gasp-
-shriek-

me:- It will all be alright.
faint voice:- you promise?
me:-I promise. I really do.
me:- wait, aren't you're supposed to be the convincing voice
faint voice:- really, me !?

and my nosey goes drip drip drip

I was gonna do a post on how I got a bad cold and how fucked I feel and how I think I might just die, but I am too sleepy.

So i'll just leave u with this bit of information .... I had so much mucus dripping of my nose this afternoon,that at one time I had too many things in my hand and the mucus from my nose wouldn't hold back and it just slid out .... but the consistency I tell you was so friggin good. It just went straight down and for a moment it looked like I had a hakka noodle hanging down my nostril.

Good Night.

tag a tagged ...

So I have been long procrastinating from doing Pri's super cool Questions tag and then broom went ahead and tagged me too, to this wonderful, vent your heart out tag. Considering that both the tags meet some common ground at some level, umm I am gonna combine them.

But before that dear reader you must know I am not the one to judge ever [really] I totally believe in being and let being. Who am I to care if your clothes could seriously do with some ironing, or if your shoes look like you bought them from the salvation army's annual "25 cents for anything" sale. I try and I try and I try and attempt to the paint the perfect picture of restraint. Judge I will not.

But then ... some people have the bad job and someone has to do the bad job, don't they !? and So unwillingly, only because it is forced upon me, do I judge. So like stanford says from sex and city, we judge, like others do arts and crafts, we judge and love it we do. we do. we do. we do.

So here goes, I am compelled [u force me remember] to judge you if you .....

• do not speak/write grammatically correct English, Do not talk, no, don't even open your mouth, . I do realize not everyone is fortunate enough to have received decent education, but what about those who did. My point is if you can't speak the language, why castrate it !? If you've lived in India and come from a reasonably sound family, attended a good school, you should be ashamed at the fact that you don't speak grammatically correct English.

Tho what makes things a lil' sad is that I openly express disgust when a fellow Indian cant speak English, but find a French mans attempts to speak English exceedingly cute.

So to all the freaks from guys4men out there ....

Why cant u just stop talking.
No, do not dear me.
I dont wanna fun. Thank you.

• dress bad, cuz u really shud just sit home and not torment my eyes, its only fair I judge you if u torture me, no? Many of my family members included. There is simply NO excuse for being dressed badly. NONE.
  

This one adressed to one my sweet but badly dressed cousin

Why the fuck are you wearing that.
Do you not realize, that is not a shirt, it's translucent for chrissake
What are you an overweight, grotesque, male version of mandakini !?
And those shoes, OMG. let me not even get started.

• stress on brands and cant see beyond them, I am sorry honey but u need a life. I am a brand whore myself, but it truly has to be my style [of which one can be certain, i have NONE] that defines me, not a god for saken brand.I do love my not-yet-with-me gucci wallet [Oh, will someone just get me that gucci wallet] but I also do adore me 200 rs only pants from colaba and 100 rs chappals from goa.

questions for a freak whom a frnd is dating.

WHy the fuck would you think wearing these brands would make you look good?
Look at yourself you IDIOT. Even a tramp looks nicer than you?
And for chrissake, those prada shoes you're wearing are down right hideous.
What is your attitude branded too !? High end, nose up, unjustified for its existence brand !? CHOOT !!!

• sport an annoying accent. [gets bitch slapped] Tho, I have no right to, cuz I am myself get asked about mine. And its not like I lived overseas forever, But atleast I speak comprehensible english unlike ...

the same freak whom a frnd is dating.

Dahling, whats with the accent?
Why does it keep changing everytime I meet you. ?
And did mommy not tell you, keep an accent if you must but ATLEAST speak english that's fuckin comprehensible. MORON.

• if you live in a tacky/down right shabby/house... and again there is no excuse for owning a leopard printed quilt or living like a pig or having a house that in the first place should have never been created. Seriously, no excuses for tacky homes. NONE TAKEN.

questions I would have loved to ask this girl called "A"

What the fuck is ever with your house woman.
Do you realize, even the dog pound next door is nicer looking that your one sofa with tacky upholstery living room.
And look at those chairs, they are begging to be discarded.
WHY the fuck can you not atleast throw your laundry in a basket !? I DO NOT want to see your used bra. Thank you, but no.

and finally

• if you judge me for being a spoilt brat. My father has it, he gives it to me, you have a problem, I suggest, shove it up !!!

There are many more things, I judge people on of course, the list isnt this small. I tag everyone who reads this :) Judge it, like u mean it :)

its all about, loving your friends !!!

me:- ooooooh look look look, that place where u get the bestest samosa's ever has reopened.
S:- yea, good for them
me:- we must must must must eat samosa's then
S:- no, I dont fee like it right now
me:-[giving the look of disdain] oh shut up, no one feels like a samosa ever, u must just eat one when u see one, c'mon yea I cant eat alone, I am on a diet remember?
S:- you eat baba, I dont want
me:- cant you ever do anythin for me !? ever !? hmph, if M was here, she wud have certainly eaten one
S:- R, stop behaving like a retard, will you !?
me:- nooooooooo, we have to have to have to eat samosa's ... I am suddenly craving one now
S:- so eat one u freak, when did I stop you
me:- I cant go voluntarily buy me a samosa, that is simply not done when i am on a diet, however, u cud first force me that I shud eat one, only because u will be forcing me will I eat one and then go buy me one. howztat !?

[Of course, my convincing skills worked and S proceeded to get me a samosa]

me:- actually buy two :P and ooh oooh oooh oooh oooh
S:- [seriously losing it now] WHAT !?
me:- errrm, a mangola also :)
me:- noooooooo, the big one :D

[chomping away on my samosa's]

S:- can I have a bite !?
me:- of course NOT
S:- asshole !!!
me:- you can have the hard part tho [giggles because I said "hard"]

[second samosa]

me:- ok, I am done ... you know what .. I cant eat this samosa anymore, it actually like just struck me, like dude, I dont even fucking like samosa, wtf .. what a waste of calories intake. It's all your fault S, you should have never forced me ... YOU FRIGGIN IDIOT !!! do you not even know what I like and what I don't, what kind of a best friend are you.


side note:- we are STILL moving, just that we have been super loaded with work, lots of it, the cool work thing did finally work out and thus we havnt gotten the time to go meet the cute boi and get laid and get the template designed. Considering one is such a blog whore, until I get that template done, we are gonna be here ... a for a bit at least !!!

theres sand in my feet ...

stuck to my soul ...
look in between my toes ...
theres sand in my feet
they look pretty, don't they !?
my feet, with tiny speckles of shiny sand ..



.... this is just part of something I wrote as I contemplated my life at the beach .... I wud have liked to post the entire shit I scribbled up, but I realized that there are just way too many people who read this blog [and must I say, do not comment] and know me ... things are anticipated as to the content of this blog ... and some even go to the extent of asking me to alter the content ... sort of makes the entire point of me being anonymous redundant, doesn't it !? I might as well put up pictures of me [oh, how I wish] and blog as the real me rather than being referred to as "once again"

but that isn't happening ... I like being once again, but once again needs to change ... and needs to evolve .. so well, we are officially moving !!!! to where, one doesn't know ... cuz we sure as hell do not want yet another default blogger template ... and considering we are the deepest shade of blonde when it comes to technology, its going to be a while before we figure out how !! Tho'll I let u in on a lil' secret, a cute boi I hooked up with, offered to help me restructure my blog :)

so like consider this the to be like the last post here ... and if u do like want to know like where I am gonna be .. like email me! or something, if I like you I might just like let you in.

later !!!

ummmm ...

an ant bit me today. bitch

to recover from the pain of being bitten I am off to goa in less than 12 hours [yeppie]. I promise I shall consume unmentionable substances and drink myself silly and come back with lots of pictures and hopefully stories of how I got laid on the beach.

toodles :)

because I have friends who are very inspiring

sigh and they know just how to blackmail me and when I make sweet simple requests they use it to ridicule me !!!

It does indeed, feel nice to be loved :)

and I maintain, 13 hot pants, not 20 !!!



an update ..

i am after ages running a 103 temperature, I shivered last night and my entire body hurts. Have been asleep on sleeping pills since last night eight thirty and as the fever wasn't going down, the doctor suggested a blood test to check for malaria




Malaria !?!

Did you hear that !?! yepieeeee

I will fall ill, seriously ill, sleep all day, watch deeveedee's in bed and LOSE WEIGHT :)

however, since 10.30 this evening [its 12.30 now] my fever has gone down, i am only running a 100.2 temperature and not even coughing. So much for losing weight. DAMN !!!!

because ...

I dont wanna tittle the post, it requires more energy than I can spare. I am running a temperature, its 8.00 am and I have been up since 4.30 am. My nose goes sniffle sniffle and my LEGS for some fucking reason scream to be amputated and hurt like hell. Yesterday it was the calf and ankle, today its the thighs [and I havnt even been working out]

On a brighter note, i have had three shots of some honey bee brandy and am nice tipsy high. I am tempted to indulge into yet another shot, but I just popped in a panadol, so I am not too sure it's a good idea. I have some of kind of cancer u think !?! Leg cancer !?!

weird things are happening. 18 yr old girls are messaging me on orkut. EIGHTEEN !?! well, one 18 and one 19 and then some guy with a nude pic requested to add me and then he goes and leaves a message [i refuse to acknowledge the term scrap] on another frnd's orkut saying he has a crush of me. weird naked men and 18 yr old girls.

something cool was happening on the work front and ddnt materialize [like always] annoys me, cuz I get super happy and then its all blah. my fault essentially. I blew the trumpet way before I should have.

like always, i got bored. this blog needs to be spiced up ...

dr dr, cutty cutty

So basically when you walk up the stairs, turn right and knock on flat # 102, alternatively you may choose to ring the bell. Enter the door and walk down the corridor, past the kitchen and the two rooms to your right. Straight down into the main room, past the door to your right is a chest of drawers, open the second drawer from the bottom, or the top because essentially its 3 drawers only.

Amidst a bunch of things lies a sheet which says

Things-t0-do-today ....

pick up laundry
pay the carpenter
get an haircut
get the car serviced
and
GET CIRCUMSIZED

Whats on your to-do list today !?

p.s:- this wasn't my to-do list and for the one who finally did something he wanted to, congratulations monsieur, welcome to my side of the fence :) From where I see it, it does take a lot of balls [or some extra skin] to do something like this, even though you've always wanted to :) I am proud of you my chicken with no skin.

Mwah

a random unfinished post

My throats gone all gooey on me, though gooey may not be the right word to describe that annoying itch meets pain, so we'll call it goobsie, my throat has thus gone all goobsie'ish on me. And I don't like feeling goobsiely. No, I do not missie. Definitely not.

Apart from having a funny throat, I have a funnier tummy, it's ummm rather round and ummm big !? And the battle of the bulge waist up I tell you is no fun. You do sorta realize you're in trouble when you cant see your pee pee without almost bending over. Or when you've loathed cheese all your life and suddenly your nibbling on cheese cubes, because you like felt like one. A goobsie'ish throat and a funny tummy are no fun. Not on a saturday morning. And being referred to as a rotund [a recovering one though] on a now deleted blog doesn't help either. So yes, I am afraid I am to admit it. I have become fat again only that I'd like to call myself the fattest thin man.

The best friend got married last week. Done. Over. She will now in sometime pack her bags and leave for aussie land. For good. Forever. And I dont like the thought of that. Cuz to have a funny tummy and a goobie'ishly goobie throat all alone is no fun. It just reinstates the fact, I am gonna die all alone :) The smile is mandatory now. I am gonna die fat. [insert pathetic self empathizing smile] I am gonna die poor [insert pleasebuymethatgucciewalletsmile] I am gonna die lonely [Insert pleaseflymetoaussielandsmile]

Its my day off, needed it. Not that I have been working too hard, I have only been reminding myself I must work hard. And the constant reminding has gotten me tired. So I am taking a day off, no reminding myself I must work hard. For now, I am just reminding myself that I am not supposed to remind myself. [look, I am talking crap]

so I am gonna go .. cuz I am like ummm bored ... it's evident, no !?

yikes !!

I am not too sure ... but ummmmm I think I left the gaydar window open on my DADS PEECEE and went upstairs to my room and when I came back downstairs, the peecee had been switched off.

[yelp]

dont ask me why do I browse the net on HIS peecee and not my notebook.

cuz I really want to know why too !!!!!

and

on a brighter note, we started talking ...

....

I should have known better

it's my fault, I forgot

I am sorry

How could I forget, you only indulge in one thing

yourself, and anything beyond you is immaterial

forgive me, for I seriously understated your pomposity

little mis[ter] sunshine !!!

when you hit an all time low ... and then you recover .... even the mundane seems so nice.

and yes for now you may call me

happy singh !!!!

eternal sunshine for the spotless mind.

ok, I am done PMS'ing.

under a blackended sky ....

decisions have been made, but the point is, WILL I EVER FUCKING LEARN TO STICK TO THEM.

if not, I be damned.

O' wait ... that I am already.

Dear Ram Daras

Dear Ram Daras, this is a story for you

kindly co-operate or to repeat the story, charges will be extra


thank you for co-operating TO US, because further ahead there is danger


and since we wudnt want you to be hurt with falling debries, we have sealed the area and thus it is now
however, if you do insist of going further ahead, we suggest you either


pack your feet in a bag and walk or


but please ram daras, ddnt your momma tell you, footWARE alone doesnt make you look pretty ... you do need to wax your legs ... errr leg too


and whilst we speak of being pretty, while some PLEASE tell dear Ram Daras, that with this pose he isnt going to last a day in the LIFW [and yes that is my handandleg in the second smaller mirror]


because dear Ram Daras, if you wont last in the LIFW, you wont make no money and if you wont make money you wont even be able to eat, let alone pay your society dues and then I am afraid you will have to blame yourself

so I say, get your pose right, make money, pay your society bills and then eat lots and lots of


and for the love of eating cock [no pun intended, really] buy yourself the penis-look-a-like salt shaker, it even lets out white salty stuff when shaken or stirred.


cuz I hear, the penis-look-alike salt shaker goes extremely well with

yes ram daras yes, chinese CUISIEN. yum

so the moral of the story is ram daras, beware and take care of em feet, make them look pretty, wax them and learn your poses. Make money, eat cock, Chinese cuisien, buy fancy salt shakers and when you still have lots of money left, buy yourself a nokia n70 and see so much fun it can be. Of course, when you do run out of battery, you can always charge at


however, be warned, its charging at your own risk. Nothing in life comes easy Ram Daras, nothin.

Ram Daras, my polish fellow is extremely grateful for this lesson. He has made it big in the fashion world and is now supposedly walking the runway for Calvin Klein and such .. as a special gesture of generosity he says hello and has offered autographed photos kindly email the blogger if you wish to acquire your very own ram daras post card!!!!

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

an update ...

First and foremost .. I am fighting with cee. So I publicly announce that he is an A grade idiot, no an A++ grade idiot. See [and not cee] today told me, he wont apologize [when he truly is at fault(like always){oooh bracket inside bracket inside bracket}] and that I'd fight/sulk/and moan for a couple of days and then return to being myself [charming self that is]. We'll see.

I am being forced, truly forced to attend a boring business man of the year party [yes, apparently its called a party] and I don't wanna go. But I am being forced. "They do have an open bar" says the Business India boi and if that isnt enough Tina Ambani might be there. Truly, thats the combination which does it for, me in a tight suit [borrowed] and Tina Ambani. Rocking I say. Rocking but then there is free alcohol.

I do look pretty good in borrowed clothes. My mother thinks I have been out shopping a lot lately. No ma, I only raid Cee's wardrobe. See, tommy shirt - 4k only. See, esprit shirt 3k only. And now look, I even have a suit. teedaa.

I do look pretty nice in a borrowed suit too. Tho, its a tad tight since I have *cough* put on some weight again *sigh*

Today officially gets termed as the weirdest day of 2007. When I went to meet the business india boi at the cafe coffee day close to home, there was this guju meets punjabi meets marwardi - a simply atrocious family of maybe 10-12 people ... of all ages ... celebrating a birthday [decoration et all] at the coffee shop. At one point these three girls [aged 15-18] dressed like tarts start dancing. In the middle of a goddamn COFFEE SHOP these women start dancing, their mothers clapping and fathers recording the same on their camera phones. A COFFEE SHOP !!? HELLOOOO !! and then like a typical family gathering one of the girl asks the mother for a dance and they begin dancing. IN A COFFEE SHOP. IN CAFE FUCKING COFFEE DAY ... what the fuck is this world coming too !?!

I ofcourse entirely amused by this idiocy on display make sly attempts at recording the entire escapade on my phone .. but its a tad too obvious and the girls suddenly stop dancing and the mothers shoot me dirty looks and suddenly I am the perv. Like hello - u idiots, all I wanna do is ridicule you on my blog for dancing in the middle of cafe fucking coffee day.

Like seriously people a CAFE COFFEE DAY !?! get a room. NOW !!!

Then comes hot-modelesque boi wearing a vest and a muffler .. yes a muffler in bbay in march ... speaks with a fake American accent and proceeds to smoke a moore !?! cigarette ... you know those annoyingly slim ciggies women smoke. Right - that explains the muffler boi.

and the icing on the cake ... when I come home ... theres someone sitting with dad, an associate and the living room reeks of alcohol, whiskey rather. So sniffing around the living room I cant seem to figure out why !?

me:- dad, did you break a bottle or something !? [considering my father is a teetotaler]
dad:- no why !?
me:- cuz I can smell whiskey, its an overbearing smell
dad [giving me the look] :- I can't
me to business India boi :- funny, I can ... can't you !? isn't it strong !?
business India boi gives me the look as I proceed along the living room to hunt the source of the smell and I have my einstien moment ...

me to dad:- k, I'll just go upstairs to my room .. turn to uncleji and shoot him the biggest smile :)

What can I say uncleji, I was just too amused with the dance sequence. Next time when I smell drunk, I promise I'll know its you.

doesn't quiet count as an update, does it !?

Fine, here it is ... the stalker boi sent me a message ... it read as

"Whats up. Am having a threesome at my place tomorrow and dayafter nght. Join us. Am home alone for 2 nights. Drink smoke up and have a blast."

and then seconds later came a follow up ..

"lemme know if you wanna come. will ask others accordingly"

I of course am flattered and have no words to express my joy, I am the first on his shouldbe stalked list. Do you know how nice that feels !?! With that ray of satisfaction in my heart, I tell myself, never mind the extra weight !!! After all I am still stalkable !!!

arre dekha jo tujhe yaar dil mein baji guitar......

its 2.30 am, i am down 168 words. 1800 to go. a 9.30 am deadline and I cant write. theres music. theres the customary sutta, down 3 cups of coffee, a glass of wine seems very alluring.
sigh.

today for the first time ever, ever I did potty with the ipod plugged in. I have never ever ever ever never ever ever done potty as I heard music. 24 years and I never did the two together. And the coincidence of coincidences, as I entered the loo, shakira came on singing hips dont lie.

too much fun i say. to wiggle your bum. too much fun.

see, this is exactly why I cant write. 2.30 am and I sat wiggling my bum on a potty seat.

to this the business india boi would go, a deadline is Sacrosanct.Sacrosanct.Sacrosanct.Sacrosanct

okay then !!

I got a message which went as:-

good and wild both are full with enjoy round hips heavy theisis and lare peenisand sex

what more can one ask for, enjoy round hips and a peenis [sex is complimentary], thus maketh a man. I wont even try understanding heavy theisis.

I am curious, but I wont.

a stalker, a new car and a cover story !!!

boys and girls, ladies and gentlemen ... and all you faggots out there .... do the happy dance and go weeeeeeeeeee !!!!!

*insert cheers *

My blog completed an entire year on the 13th day of Jan. While I had thought of big things like getting me a new template and shit and doing the entire flashback, retrospect thing, I ddnt even realize when the happy birthdayday of my blog came and went.

Sigh. That is how sad I am.

On a brighter none, I have a stalker. So much fun no, its been a while since I had one of those. Ok, its not fun, its friggin scary, especially when you suddenly realise stalker boi has your visiting card with all your company boardline numbers and addresses on it. Doh !! Well, the stalker boi hasnt done anything frightening as yet, except you know the cliched stalker stuff like calling nonstop and sms'ing nonstop

Hi, I am alone, wanna come over?

Hi, I know you said you dont like me, wanna come over?

Hi, lemme jerk you off on the phone ?! [GROTESQUE]

Hi, I am going away to new york on saturday for ever, I promise I will never bother you again ever. Promise. Lets meet once. Please.

On monday eve.

Hi, I am alone, wanna come over? [like what happened to new york boi]

The next day ..

Hi once again, I guess you're not going to respond. I only wanted to tell you I liked you, but you I guess dont. [wow einstein, u figured] I promise to never bother you ever again. Sorry. Do you want to come over sometime though !?

I am not kidding, this is how he ended the message. I promise never to bother you, do you wanna come over tho !? Like wow man. Last night at 3.00 am I got this message

Hi, I am in dubai, do you have any friends here?

Like yes, I have a few people who want to be stalked. Wait, lemme get out my list of friends. Moron. I am just hoping he's misplaced my visiting card.

Oh and we bought a new car. weeee !!!! Another Honda City[gulp] Yes scream it aloud. Like how SINDHI can my family get. Sindhier than the sindhiest, lemme tell you. Right from the swift to the civic we considered em all. Mum wanted the swift. It's a small car, easy to drive. [errr, ma you dont drive] Dad wanted an Innova. [Err, pa, we are a family of THREE] and I ofcourse wanted the maginificient civic :) Then dad decided the swift was too small and the civic was too big [my, the BIGNESS of the innova just gets ignored] and almost bought an Innova. Puke. Its like having an elephant of your own. Then since there was no option are we are way too sindhi to care about our sindhiness, we just zeroed in on the city. I have come to the conculsion, its the like maruti of the early 90's. Everyone has one these days.

And remember the freelance feature writing for a design magazine that I was gonna do.

Remember? Remember?

After much procrastination, I wrote the copy, sent it to them, they liked it and its the cover story for their march issue :) Yepieee. According to the business india boi, who put me on to the magazine, a cover story is a big deal. I for now just like the sound of it :) Cover Story.

* does the happy dance *

way to go, buddyboy !!!

on new years eve because I reached the geebee party drunk beyond imagination, the guys at the entry thought I was already in there and just let me in free.

Did you read that !? FREEEEE ... weeeee !!!

Now, everytime I have been to a gay bombay party, they sorta give you coupons to get yourself what they call alcohol. Basically 0.1% vodka and 99.9% mixer. Since I walked in free, did you hear that Freeeeeeeee ... weeeeeee !!! I butofcourse ddnt have any coupons. So I walked up to the bar ....

me:- a vodka with cranberry juice please
bartender:- sure and he smiles
me:- me smling back, how much do I owe you ?!
bartender: [gives me a serious look of concern and smiles yet again] nothing

ummm, is he hitting on me !? OMG, he's hitting on me, he's flashing me the meet me at the back of the bar smile. I mean this is stuff gay erotica is made of.

bartender:- after being convinced I am retard smiling into space goes, it's on the house tonight you know, thats what you paid for.
me- ofcourse I did. Thank you

a conversation between my client and I

me:- Hi Aunty, how are you !?
Aunty A:- I am good, I thought you were supposed to come yesterday afternoon !?
me:- Oh, I did and the maid said you were upstairs and your bedroom door was shut and I thought since uncle might be home and you guys would be busy.

AND YOU GUYS WOULD BE BUSY !!?

I mean what the fuck was I thinking !? All I wanted to say, was that you might be sleeping. Not having sex. Really Aunty A. Really.

two days ago, another converstion with this designer I had to interview

me:- Hi sunil, what time am I seeing you today
him:- well, how about 6.30, WIA club !?
me:- alright, 6.30 then.
him:- how long will it take !?
me:- ummm, I dunno, I am guessing if I face traffic, i'll take around an hour to get there
him:- err, no I mean the the interview
me:- ofcourse you do, about 30 mins

sigh.

and just when I quit work to be a full time designer, I finally, like finally got me new curtains made for my bedroom and they look horrid.

O' Irony, why do u always knock on my door only !!? Why !?

.........

She wanted a green wall and yellow lights. She always had one question for me, just when would her room be ready !? I want a large dressing area with a big mirror, said she.

But you're only ten, what are you gonna do with a mirror that big !?

For when I grow up ... and I want draws to keep things, like mummy has.

Fine, after uncle Ram's wedding we'll work on your mirror.

Promise ?!

Promise.

I ddn't go for Uncle Ram's wedding. I was too lazy.

This evening I called to congratulate and confirm that the painter was gonna be there tomorrow morning.

Four days ago and a day before her uncles wedding, an event for which we had momentarily stopped the renovations of her room, an allergic reaction to a food item triggered an asthama attack which proved fatal for the little girl

All of ten and she's gone.

It's at times like these you realize just how bitchy can life be. When there are fucking millions of arseholes who should be dead, the world loses a 10 yr old child.

I am sorry Dhwani for not having given you the mirror before.

Cuz for now, there's going to be wall so big, with a mirror that big and draws that many, but no one to use them.

May you rest in peace. Always.

***********************************************************************************

I have always been weary of death. It scares me. I have never handled it well. I worry, worry that my parents are turning old. And its moments like these which fuckin jerk up the dust you have accumulated over your fears.

I have no balls to face her mother.

What do you tell a mother who lost a ten yr old child to a stupid food reaction !? Do you look her in her eyes !? Or do you remain oblivion to her pain !? Do you go on, discussing the mirror !? Do you ignore the color green !?

I have no balls.

Stupid fucking unfair life.