it's one of those moments

when I want to curl up and vanish, only the flabs of fat on my stomach hurt when I attempt to do so. I am telling you, this lack of flexibility and fat issues won't even let me die in peace.

Now that I am done with the drama and feel .0000021% better about venting my frustrations to no one [I mean who reads this blog] I shall vent some more. I may have lost my wonderful sisley chino's that I bought two days ago, because I cannot seem to find the bag and I won't find out until tuesfuckingday because my driver is on leave tomorrow and there is no way to know where the bag went. Slight nagging feeling tells me I may left it at the Molton Brown counter where lady ahead of me shopped for 28,000/-. [yes, I had to just mention that] and when I saw her filling out some random form, she was the wife of a  certain very much in demand Indian contemporary artist. That explains the bundles she had oozing out of her bag.

I hate being poor & I hate being careless. I mean the two aren't quite a combo you know. I hate not getting to wear fabulous pants I bought [Glad I didn't buy the belt, imagine, losing a fabulous pair of chino's and a belt together, omg {insert horrifying scream}(oooh, brackets inside bracket love happened)]

But then since I am all about positivity these days, I am hoping that my Charlie has kept it somewhere. See p-o-s-i-t-i-v-i-t-y. I mean I will go to the gym soon enough and lose weight and I will move out and I will get more work and I will meet someone fantastic who is gorgeous looking and wears nice shoes and is a size 43 and has nice bags I can use and is the same shirt size as me and a waist 30 [OK, fine 32] and has a love and fascination for fun socks and underwear and reads and talks theater and art in the same breath [I don't do either] and owns art I can borrow for my shoots and gifts me art & shoes & bags & clothes & holidays and wants to buy me everything I lay my eyes on and does not think I am too judgmental for my own good and agrees with me it is okay to have everything I want.

Yes, I am definitely all about positivity.

Btw, how annoying is it when you have waited for something to go on sale FOREVER, I mean like two fucking seasons and then you give up and buy it and then it goes on sale like a week after you have bought it. So then you learn to keep your ego aside and to end the agony, you convince yourself that you must have those fabulous shoes in another color too, I mean why, they are on sale, aren't they ?

Then when you go and ask the sales assistant if he has them in the white he goes "but sir, don't you already have them in two colors?"

I mean what the fuck ? Is everyone on earth dedicated to remind me how I don't need another pair of shoes ?

If the boy wants some shoes, go get him some shoes.

Enough said.

And no, they did not have it in my size.

lookie lookie !!!

Whoa !

So, I've actually come back.

[pats self on back]
[makes note:- must buy me something nice for keeping up resolution]
[make note:- you may not afford tod's, but tresmode is on sale too]

That's it. I really have nothing else to say. Except I am looking for an assistant. Someone non-stupid. Someone non-ugly. Someone who wants to be an Interior designer/stylist. If you're hot, extra points.

Only everyone that I seem to interview, they make me want to curl and shrink into stomach lint. Yes, that bad.

The last one I did, under hobbies he listed "visiting to exhibitions". One before that, she was all of 13838 kilo's and in her resume she mentioned " I like to swim and can float "

You'd probably think I am making these up.

 I'd think I was making these up.

Really. Need an assistant. NON STUPID. Helooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo !

yes, well, hello there you ;-)

I am not going to make myself any silly promises and pretend that I am going to blog again everyday. Lord knows, I break them easy. Just like I decided I'd shop less in 2010 and be good with finances. Ha ! I have already bought 4 pairs of shoes. And it's only 17 days down January 2010. But pretty pretty shoes, I tell you.

Why am I back here ? Because I started blogging when I was 24, sigh, do I miss them days or do I miss them days. And I am well 27  26 now. It's been an interesting journey and the journal is rather fun to read once in a while. Also well, because it's fun and it's 2 minutes past 3 am and I am nothing close to being sleepy. So yup, still an insomniac. Still a shop-o-holic and the alcoholism hasn't gotten any better. So why not make mockery out of my misery and get a tad entertaining. Yes, I do think I am funny.

Frowns.

And well, who knows, some burberry-chino-wearing-tod's-loafer-owning-bottega-bag-carrying-hermes-tan-belt-sporting-boy-no-man might just read this and we might just live happily after.

Because, accept it, who doesn't love a whining, fattening, ageing faggot. This is where you go "aww" & run to buy me loafers from tod's. they're on 30% sale and I want the blue boat loafers please. ;-)

 No ? No ? No?

Hmph.

ahem ahem and all of that !

हम चले गए.

टाटा
tho, I am still out there somewhere, if you're important enough, you'll get to know !!

hello there, once again !!

Don't judge a boy if he's drinking some wine at 3.30 on a friday afternoon, it's the weekend & all men are jerks. Demands drinking.

A few days ago, I dreamt my blog had been published into a book. So I woke up and read me blog, backtoback or cover to cover must i say and damn I am embarassed. I so wish, I were one of those intellectual people who made some sense. Once in a while, it'd be fun no, to have some views on capitalism and socialism !? And the recession perhaps !

But alas, I have none.

I could however tell you, why you must use fabric backed wall paper instead of regular wallpaper in a walk-in area !?

Smart I am like that.

But that don't impress you much !? Aah, well you're not alone.

peace !

the mother of all messages I have recieved to date !

jst recently, bein voted in the g4m forums as the 'Most Stylish Guy' (check forums for details), even without ma knowledge, and just comin to know it from ma so many kewl friends!!! :P

and tho a wicked, popular ToP myslf... and forget bottz and versas, wth evn the tOppest of TopZ.... (and EVEN Straight Friends now!!!) comin bck under me....

....well, wth the combination of information in ur profile.... searchin for guys bein fun 2b wth...
and da honest confession....
and with me too risin wth life... bein into the showbiz directly.... and with frnds
kewl/naughty/wild/sweet/chilly/ dirty/passionate..real TRUE FRIENDS frm all over..
forget the countless guys frm mum and bangalor & hybd and del... & even aftab shivdasanis and karan naths and zulfi syeds.... includin the 32nd runnerz up of gladragz (sharing feel-sweet moments beyond bed too).... and one 22-yr-old kewl cupid frm Bhopal, who stayd btwn Apr. 24 and 29...and goin beyond the limitz of bed too....and EVEN hayden haroen-s frm amstrdam, or bob thrumann-s frm mexico... and a lott frm ur city...and CONICIDENTALLY an italian friend in Kol AT PRESENT for the next 4 days wth me... and EVN loads of kewl frnds frm ur very city... (if u wanna hv their ids sometime :)

tho a wicked, popular ToP myslf... and forget bottz and versas, wth evn the tOppest of TopZ.... (and EVEN Straight Friends now!!!) comin bck under me....... well, just went thru ur profile and thot that it might make some sense.... sensible & passionate.... both... at the same time.... seekin for sensitive mattrz of d heart n life like, jst "... 1 2 1.. Relationz", ... and thot of mssging, thatz all....or else, i dnt really, By Principle, mssg any1, wthout a 2nd/3rd/.. face pic, or a RECEnT CloSE uP, datz it......

can i knw a bit more of ur stats (waist etc.)?
r u li'l 2wrds the thinner/slender side, and gotta lil receeedin hairline??
hope u arent soft/girlish, r u? (no offnce intended... jst wantd to picture who am talkin to.....datz all)
hw do u luk actually? (or why is ur face hidden?!) u luk diff in diff pics....
any proper, CLeaR FACE pic of urs??
and r u now ACtuAlLy 25?!! u luk n sound more matured thn that!

IF we both match our requirements...... & I C U

and by the way, wht guys say in the profile, i send personally... keepin in mind, hw relevant the guy is........ coz i dnt wanna keep my personal infos open to all, just for any1 to go thru,datz it...

look, tho once i had been (PAST perfect) really one of the wolfish tops.. (lol), and lovd manly bottz... and no wonder-a*s was left in the city of joy, tht didnt taste't... but it was never inside my nerves............. coz i ne'er wantd to b identified in the beds like the "9"er"...... rathr thn a sensible, warm lover....
in fact, whoevr has tasted being in bed wth someone he feels sweet for, wud not in dreams discovr himslf onto someone un-loved......

..and i can say this much that, whtevre i said was just a trailor to a 3-hr long wild, bedcrime thriller.. and I MEANT EACH & EVERY single word in it... It just wont even come to ur mind dude, the whatz, whyz & whereforez of that message, as long as u dont take me in.. I MEAN IT!!! ....u never know, why this guy is so popular in the beds of Cal for the last few years!!! ...if u wanna know the difference between just flat a*s h*mpin, and some QUALITY FU*K, u never know, why they call me an "artist in bed"!!!

well, am a human, a guy..... a creative designer.. sometimes design web, sometimes design guys of showbiz.. or sometimes make films....
am a cricketer.. am a painter.... a lover of life and aliveness......
am a passionate poet.... a romantic beast........................

To me, sensitive matters of the heart like, Love, as also Sex- hand in hand, Friendship, Passion, are like the blue flame of passion... a silent winter-tea in a sunny balcony that u must relish.. and sip, and... a warm flow down ur throat!!!!! ....it may be the romantic agony within!!!

Here's all 'bout me :

I am Rudra... 27+ y.o. ...pure HARDCORE TOP......
i am 5.10"/fair/clnshvn/31waist/
66kgs/well-built/
looking pretty masculine & decent. Guys do say, I have a wild manly charm... am a s/w engineer, workin abroad in London.... nw at home in india for sometime.. am a s/w engineer... workin abroad in the UK, bt now @ home in India 4sumtime... as also into film makin..... ur stats pls?

and tellin u all ths dozn mean, itz all done frm mah end.. and all this hold good, and we can go forwrd, provided all the conditionz of frndshp and looks satisfy......

Am a senior web designer & web portal manager (www.netglimse.com), film editor, and also into event management, modelling co-ordination etc. I have my own production unit for making movies/serials/telefilms/.. just in the celluloid, i mean. Here I stay in south Cal.

well, what do u do dude? ...whtz ur name by the way?? wanna be jst friends FIRST???

*********************

I am sorry, it was simply too long to disect and ridicule. I got through it, that is big enough. I love the ending tho, wanna be just friends FIRST !?

ummmm - no !?

nahiiiiiinnnnnnn !

I am doing a check, for how many of you actually went "nahiiiiiin" each time you realised, I hadn't updated. Extra points to those who jumped off balconies. Consumed rat poison [with that skeleton sign and poison scribbled in devnagari script-fontsize-42-for added effect]

Rumor goes, gutterspace - when she reloaded the page for 113th time and realised I hadn't blogged, she ran, ran like her life depended on it from her-sea-facing-13th- floor- swanky office [sans her chappals et all] to marine drive and screamt nahiiiiiiiiiinnnnnn. All this, in her white mango linen [yes, they ARE linen] shorts which she bought right after she went - "oh, I am broke, I have no money, just 200 rs". Sweet girl, she. Too much drama though, no?

I am told, casablanca, yes she who scribbles on the wall, she tore her passport in frustration. Flung her employment pass in anger. And went she "nahhiiiiinnnn". Embrassed yet frustrated, she ended up going for a haircut to feel better, so she got a hair wash, shopped, put on a classy[read:slutty] dress and got drunk. For what happened after, I take full responsibility.

Because sweet girl, this casa. She's even buying me a ticket to singapore.

And then she, the scouty pouty scout. She went - chamak chamak chamak. Her version of nahiiiiinnnn, if one must accept it. She screamt aloud. She wept. She wept some more. Then she lost it. Shrieked the shriek of horror. So bad, that her cabbie banged the car. Freaky, yes. She got em stiches, reconstructive surgery even and then got a new fringie haircut.

Only, if she'd have gone nahiiiiiin. But hell, we like her. We'll accept chammak instead.

and then the pri

she's busy saving turtles this girl. writing, forwarding emails to ratan tata. apparently for a whole 4 seconds she ddn't switch on direct tv. with a blank look on her face, she just stared into oblivion and then muttered a meak nahhiiiin. O' wait, thats they stray cat that went meoowww !

this pri, apparently she's still staring at a blank teevee and every now and then she goes - gheuntak, benchod. Sweetie - it's NAHHHIIIIINNNN ! yana rascala this pri !

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No, I am not dead. Yes, I know you don't care. But I am now resourcefully employed. - shriek -
I wake up at 6.00 am, hit the gym. Ok fine, I only did that today. Hit the road by 8.55 am, get into work by 10.00 am and then to make my life feel better I shop like an addict everyday. I am like every other indiviual on the road now. An ordinary citizen. No more special. Just like you, you and you, I have driver issues. 7 drivers this month, so much so I am convinced, I AM THE FUCKING ISSUE NOW. I have a shopping addiction, but I still need shoes, running shoes, shorts and a few gazallion clothes.

I lost 8 kilo's, now fit into waist size 4" smaller than before and wear small sized tee shirts. As of today, my body fat % seemed higher than i like to think it is, but that probably is thanks to the mangomilkshakes I have been consuming as if they were running out of fashion.

And no, losing weight has not led the world to percieve me as sexy. I am still SINGLE and very much asexual. Ok fine, I got laid four days in a row. But I am not the kinds to kiss and tell. BUT FUCK THE ISRAELI was hott.

So if you havn't gone nahiiinnnn, shame on you. Go buy me a ticket to bangkok. I think instead of spending the money I do not have on clothes in Mumbai, I should just fly to bangkok, shop like my life depends on it. Like 20 pairs of shoes, a few 1000 tee shirts and other such things, so then atleast I wont feel the need to shop for two weeks after that.

Anybody know a shrink !?