it's not my fault

....

2007 bought in a lot, more than I had expected. The biggest change ever really was me shifting careers, growing the balls and making a decision. best change ever.

And 2007, also bought some major family illness, almost 3 quaters of the year was spent in and out of waiting rooms and hospitals. Both my parents. One almost with cancer and the other with some brain numbing diabities related issues.

As if illness wasn't enough, along came the "pressure" to get married. Yesterday as Gutterspace and I sat at a coffee shop near home, where she cribbed about not being able to smoke and I cribbed about the coffee, we bumped into my aunts and cousins. My mother's elder sister is now most convinced I am seeing Gutterspace. I mean why else why would I sit in a coffee shop with a girl.

I spent all afternoon getting drunk at home. It was much fun. Absolut vodka shots with my cousins. One underage and the other barely legal to be getting drunk. Alcohol truly is the answer to all questions in my life. How else do you explain a sunday afternoon barbeque with your family that you detest.

You do not attempt such things, no explaining annoying barbeques, instead you proceed to get drunk and smile everytime annoying aunt says get married. You do however must practise really hard to ignore annoying lil voice in the head which says SLAP HER YOU BASTARD !!!

- SLAP -

Oh how I wish.

Surprisingly I have no plans yet for tomorrow. And I am in no hurry to make any. No commerical parties, no annoying music and no binge drinking. We are gonna celebrate in style and well, we do have 24 hours to figure out what exactly we mean by style.

Something tells me we'll manage, we've done pretty well thru 2007.

Bring it on 2008, cuz I really am in the mood to kick some mighty ass.

first drink. then drunk. see u in the loo !!! [wooohooooo]

thus the wise said.

do not drink and when u do, do not make a fool of thyself. do not make out in the back of an innova which is filled with people and then upon reaching destination do not abandon the world and disappear into the loo, the world will know what you are upto.

and yes if you've done it, then be good and own up. Because the boy was hot and t'was much fun, and there thats one thing to check of the list. Also try not painting the hot boi with hickies galore.


also if drinking, carry cash, lots of it, cuz when drunk, DO NOT ATTEMPT to withdraw from atm. Because you will not only NOT get any cash, you will also have your atm card blocked and thus you will not have any money to pay the cab you just rode in and try explaining that at 6.15 am to a cabbie that your card just got blocked and you have no money, like zero rupees, except for like a 25p coin [and why would I even have that !? do people still keep those !?] and yes you are an hour away from home because when you were drunk, you have no idea where u were headed to. So you drove from home to town, parked your car there, sat in random car, ended up in lokhandwala and then cabbed in back to town only to drive back home.

Such fun. Don't drink and drive tho, it's not good.

Drink.
get drunk.
club hop
have sex in the loo
end up in random part of town
and then when u recover from being drunk
and reality sinks in
travel in a cab with no money
and then
drive home.
good boy you.

....

all my life I ran behind it and now I suck at it.

blah, irony

and this is how we do it ...

Well, there might just be a reason explainable enough to why I am the freak magnet, because umm errr maybe I am the freak myself.

me:- hell0
lady:- good evening taj lands end, how may I help you ?

inner voice1:- oooh, oooh, now you must sound all hot and hunky dory and flirt with her
inner voice 2:- but why would I !? it's not like I'll ever get to meet her, she's a friggin telephone operator who I will NEVER see
inner voice1:- yes yes, but flirt.
inner voice2:- but she's a woman !!!
inner voice1:- JUST FLIRT !!!
inner voice2:- fine, whatever.

me:- Oh hi
lady:- yes, hello sir

inner voice1 :- must must must sound impressive, now ask her name and then address her using her first name.

lady:- hello?!

me:- oh yes, whom am I speaking with
lady:- this is the operator
me:- well, hello opeator how are you today !?
lady:- almost chokes

silence

inner voice 2:- silence
inner voice 1:- silence

lady:- yes, how may I help you sir

of course, I hung up.

because I am still next in line

Remember M !? Yes, she who got married and moved away to australia. Yes, bitch. And remember S, who a few days after M's wedding told me he was gonna get married too !? Yes, bitch. Well, his wedding date is fixed. Yes, I am gonna die single, fat and drunk. Bitches.

It's after about two weeks that I am home and not attending any wedding related event. Until next week that is when I go to delhi for a wedding of course, that bloody well if I decide I want to go. I am fat and delhi has hot men and hot men and fat me is not a good combination.

Which reminds me to tell you, I almost registered for the Mumbai Marathon today, only that I did not. Because the 6km dream run was full and I don't do 21 km's. Hell, I don't do 6km's even. But then the cousin and husband have registered and in an attempt to resemble the human race again, I am going to start running with them or as she put it, panting while they run.

I am still contemplating delhi. Hot men, cold weather, winter fashion, layered clothes and I could just pass off as non-fat.

well, its the 18th day of july, his wedding. 8 months to get into shape and I am going to make sure he buys me nice clothes. Thats the least they can do for me. Buy me new clothes and take me along on the honeymoon, since I am not gonna get either.

Gutterspace, I hope you're listening. Honeymoon-take-me-along. Bitch.

because I am in line next

so said my mothers sister in law
so said the aunt's son I don't know
so said the lady next door
so said cousin who got married last week
so said cousin's mother whose daughter was getting married
so said the random lady
so said the random lady's random husband
so said my brother in law
so said annoying drunk uncle
so said horrendously dressed lady I do NOT know
so said he
so said she
so said they

clearly, the world has not much to do other than obsessess over my marital status. Wudnt't it be fun, to have THEM ALL under one roof and tell them there're a bunch of idiots who really need a life, come clean to them and then finally look at them all in the eye, those who are hideously dressed and go "sweetieeeeee, I would'nt step out if I were you, out to the left, I spotted a puddle, large enough for you to disappear, hurry now, be good"

of course, this is what I understand makes u wanna believe I am a mascara wearing, fending carrying queen and really, I don't say sweetie ever. Really.

Ask gutterspace if u may. I was very well behaved at her wedding. Even though there were hot men galore, I ddn't drool. Like a good boy, I stood as a side kick to her side kick and we bitched about people, the clothes and the tacky gift wrappings. Whilst I would have liked to wear cee's satya paul tie on which I had previously dropped butter chicken, my collar button wouldn't shut cuz errr .... ummmm .. I HAVE BECOME FAT. So I wore the versace tie which I don't like much. So there, I am a versace tie wearing faggot, not a fendi carrying one and really I don't say "sweetie" or "dahling" ever. I do ocassionaly once in a while say "item" "chamiya" & "bijlee". I am from bombay, it happens.

and I have seen a serious overdose of HOT men & women through the past two weeks of non stop weddings. And at the cousin's wedding, there be a very very very cute guy, who looked like jas arora, u know with that wierd cute nose et all. And then yesterday at the reception, I spotted him with his brother, who wore a fuschia pink scarf and had gay scribbled all over, only he was'nt half as cute.

Of course, the perfect ending to the evening was my dream where I dreamt that a frnd of mine had a house party and suddenly I had six pack abs and I hooked up with dino morea who wasn't like dino morea at all, but looked hot none-the-less.