The sister, the brother-in-law and I went to an umm err an astrologer yesterday. Now I am always game for these things. They tickle me [in a mighty good way, usually] Like the time when I spent a 100 freakin dollars on a tarrot card reader in goldcoast. She was crap. But it was fun. Fascinates me. When they look at my face and predict. When they guess and at times hit the nail on the head. Intriguing.
Now this said 'atrologer bloke' had come to the sister's office. Over there saw my photograph framed on the sisters table [yes, she loves me] and blurted out some shit which was like err true. So very intrigued at the prospect of having my life dicphered [imagine, finally !!!!] I harrowed the much embarrassed sister into taking an appointment.
The sister went first. Random stuff here and there. True all of it. Looked at her hand and blurted out stuff about 'our' family past, things about dad which were like bang on. Wow. Impressive. More hope. [yay, my life will finally gain perspective] Lots of positive things about the sister. God bless.
Then went the brother-in-law. Like hello, read the man like a book. BANG FUCKING ON !! Stuff about his hideous family was like 190% accurate. Everything. Stuff about the brother-in-law, his characteristics, his problems all correct. *gasp* [will he guess I am err gay !?] [getting into tension mode] There's hope. Life is soon gonna gain perspective.
And then came my turn. After two hours of listening to my sisters future and her hubby's future and watching my neice run around in a 10x10 room with the astrologers daughter, damn I was irritated and anxious. [patience, patience. Life is finally coming your way]
me-seated on the floor on the mat crosslegged
He took my hand. Looked at it. Perplexed look. [oooh, intriguing]
him: your the youngest
me: ahem. yes
him: i need ur birth time
[sis hurriedly dials mum]
him: looking even more perplexed
him: [takes a deep breath]
him: you are on the path to self destruction !!!
me: ahem. No sorry what !?!
him: [staring at the sister]
him: he's way too pampered. Father gives him more than he asks for. He's headed for self destruction
me: [LIKE HELLLLLOO !!]
him: have u made any recent expensive purchase
me: no
me: errr unless u wanna count my stupid frames for my rasta sourced art which are costing me umm a lil more than i'd wanna spend.
sister: laptop laptop !!! laptop !! laptop !! he's been asking for a new one
me: [like chill dude]
him: makes a face.
me: [uh huh. okay then ]
me: oh well, I have just been wanting one for a while now.
him: looking at my hand. How long were you in Australia !?
me: umm 20 months
him: that was the best period of your life
me: ummm, no it was okay
him: no. I mean that was ur good time. [astrology wise]
me: ahem. ok !!
So to cut a really long story short. According to him... I am headed on the path of self destruction. My father gives me more than I deserve. He's spoilt me rotten. And if I continue at this. There is no hope. My life will start taking perspective only after 28. I will wind up my fathers business. And more blah shit.
Now I dont give a rats arse about all this. Really [tho, i am scared shitless] What irked me off was his prejudice. He made statements like people who lead an active night life are EVIL. Yes, thats the word he used. EVIL. Because bad things happen in the night. And if I get a job or I involve myself into some work I will not have the energy to go out in the night [huh!?] He said a lot of bad people with disposable incomes went to 'discos'. [ahem, a. I dont have disposable money. I wish I did. I really do. and b. I dont do 'discos'. I find em cholstorphobic. I do dinners. I do movies. I do drives. I do lounge bars. And no, one doesnt need hideous amounts of money to do a dinner or a drive or a movie]
He said my stars would never support interior design. I am not good at managing people. Which is true. I am bad. Short tempered and yes ok egoistic But what about following ones dreams !? What about happiness !? Satisfaction !? Or is it all about the moolah only !? [ which I repeat neither do I or my father have in copious amounts ]
The perspective hasnt been gained. Tho, I know one thing for sure. He's made my 'coming out' to my sister very very very difficult !!! And whats worse, everything he spoke of my sis and bro-in-law was bang on right !! What are the chances he wasnt right about me !? I believe he was just being very very very judgemental, condescending and patronizing. The sister belives otherwise.
Whatever it is. I am scared :) Shitless. Damn the perspective. Oh and he's given us all mantra's we must chant. And he reckons I must fast on some stupid day for some stupid reason. When I told him, I ddnt believe in God, he made a face. What about karma I asked !?! Chanting some mantra's and fasting on some day is a remedy for my i-am-on-disaster-mode-life !?! I dont think so. And I still believe one must follow their dreams.
p.s: He ddnt guess I am a faggot [and even if he did, he ddnt say it. Tho i dunno what wud hold him back. after telling me i am on the path toselfdestruction {cant get over that one} theres not much you cannot say now, is there !?] He also said my friends influence me a lot and the woman I marry will change my life.[yes, i beleive u] And i am headed for a fling this October. Chalo, atleast theres hope in life. Somewhere.Even if its on the way downhill !!!
Life is just wonderful. Confusion ala mode all along !!! And I told ma mother [after much contemplation] and then we fought. :)
And I have one question. If my father has it. Whatever little he has. WHY THE FUCK SHOULDNT ONE LIVE IT !?! Tho thats gonna make another post. Soon. Soon enough !!!
and dude, who the fuck even says DISCO !?!?
tu bhi disco ..
main bhi disco ..
yeh duniya hain ek disco ..
disco 82 .. aha .. disco 82 ..
aha ha haaah !!
Now this said 'atrologer bloke' had come to the sister's office. Over there saw my photograph framed on the sisters table [yes, she loves me] and blurted out some shit which was like err true. So very intrigued at the prospect of having my life dicphered [imagine, finally !!!!] I harrowed the much embarrassed sister into taking an appointment.
The sister went first. Random stuff here and there. True all of it. Looked at her hand and blurted out stuff about 'our' family past, things about dad which were like bang on. Wow. Impressive. More hope. [yay, my life will finally gain perspective] Lots of positive things about the sister. God bless.
Then went the brother-in-law. Like hello, read the man like a book. BANG FUCKING ON !! Stuff about his hideous family was like 190% accurate. Everything. Stuff about the brother-in-law, his characteristics, his problems all correct. *gasp* [will he guess I am err gay !?] [getting into tension mode] There's hope. Life is soon gonna gain perspective.
And then came my turn. After two hours of listening to my sisters future and her hubby's future and watching my neice run around in a 10x10 room with the astrologers daughter, damn I was irritated and anxious. [patience, patience. Life is finally coming your way]
me-seated on the floor on the mat crosslegged
He took my hand. Looked at it. Perplexed look. [oooh, intriguing]
him: your the youngest
me: ahem. yes
him: i need ur birth time
[sis hurriedly dials mum]
him: looking even more perplexed
him: [takes a deep breath]
him: you are on the path to self destruction !!!
me: ahem. No sorry what !?!
him: [staring at the sister]
him: he's way too pampered. Father gives him more than he asks for. He's headed for self destruction
me: [LIKE HELLLLLOO !!]
him: have u made any recent expensive purchase
me: no
me: errr unless u wanna count my stupid frames for my rasta sourced art which are costing me umm a lil more than i'd wanna spend.
sister: laptop laptop !!! laptop !! laptop !! he's been asking for a new one
me: [like chill dude]
him: makes a face.
me: [uh huh. okay then ]
me: oh well, I have just been wanting one for a while now.
him: looking at my hand. How long were you in Australia !?
me: umm 20 months
him: that was the best period of your life
me: ummm, no it was okay
him: no. I mean that was ur good time. [astrology wise]
me: ahem. ok !!
So to cut a really long story short. According to him... I am headed on the path of self destruction. My father gives me more than I deserve. He's spoilt me rotten. And if I continue at this. There is no hope. My life will start taking perspective only after 28. I will wind up my fathers business. And more blah shit.
Now I dont give a rats arse about all this. Really [tho, i am scared shitless] What irked me off was his prejudice. He made statements like people who lead an active night life are EVIL. Yes, thats the word he used. EVIL. Because bad things happen in the night. And if I get a job or I involve myself into some work I will not have the energy to go out in the night [huh!?] He said a lot of bad people with disposable incomes went to 'discos'. [ahem, a. I dont have disposable money. I wish I did. I really do. and b. I dont do 'discos'. I find em cholstorphobic. I do dinners. I do movies. I do drives. I do lounge bars. And no, one doesnt need hideous amounts of money to do a dinner or a drive or a movie]
He said my stars would never support interior design. I am not good at managing people. Which is true. I am bad. Short tempered and yes ok
The perspective hasnt been gained. Tho, I know one thing for sure. He's made my 'coming out' to my sister very very very difficult !!! And whats worse, everything he spoke of my sis and bro-in-law was bang on right !! What are the chances he wasnt right about me !? I believe he was just being very very very judgemental, condescending and patronizing. The sister belives otherwise.
Whatever it is. I am scared :) Shitless. Damn the perspective. Oh and he's given us all mantra's we must chant. And he reckons I must fast on some stupid day for some stupid reason. When I told him, I ddnt believe in God, he made a face. What about karma I asked !?! Chanting some mantra's and fasting on some day is a remedy for my i-am-on-disaster-mode-life !?! I dont think so. And I still believe one must follow their dreams.
p.s: He ddnt guess I am a faggot [and even if he did, he ddnt say it. Tho i dunno what wud hold him back. after telling me i am on the path toselfdestruction {cant get over that one} theres not much you cannot say now, is there !?] He also said my friends influence me a lot and the woman I marry will change my life.[yes, i beleive u] And i am headed for a fling this October. Chalo, atleast theres hope in life. Somewhere.Even if its on the way downhill !!!
Life is just wonderful. Confusion ala mode all along !!! And I told ma mother [after much contemplation] and then we fought. :)
And I have one question. If my father has it. Whatever little he has. WHY THE FUCK SHOULDNT ONE LIVE IT !?! Tho thats gonna make another post. Soon. Soon enough !!!
and dude, who the fuck even says DISCO !?!?
tu bhi disco ..
main bhi disco ..
yeh duniya hain ek disco ..
disco 82 .. aha .. disco 82 ..
aha ha haaah !!
Dear Once Again,
ReplyDeleteNEVER get your hand read. What about people who don't have hands? Don't they have destinies? And those with botoxed foreheads?
Follow your heart. You will succeed at whatever you feel passionate about, irrespective of what others say.
It's very hard living a single, gay, urban life with one's family. I experience these moments all the time, when I feel that the vast, wild oscillations of my life pendulum are just too much to deal with.
Let me list some of my dichotomies:
01)being a devout, traditional Indian boy vs. being and westernised at the same time.
02) Respecting the privacy and dignity of my family, and being out and proud at the same time.
03) Having fun and wild times without smoking drinking or doing drugs.
04) Running a business ina n environment of capitalist wolves while being a socialist, at heart, sensible to all concerns of workers.
05) Being among religious armchair-fanatics while being avowedly secular.
06) Bearing the crushing weight of my parents' dreams on my shoulders as well as forging a way for my individual career at the same time.
The list goes on and on.
But see, that is the challenge. We have to expand our horizons and assimilate all these seeming contradictions in our life, while at the same time pursuing our dreams and realising them.
Dahling belive me "the woman I marry will change my life" is spot on true.
ReplyDeleteYou will move from being a nice gay boi to being a two-timing bastard.
Good for you though he only hinted at an affair in October and not shaadi. An affair is not as gender specific as a wedding would have to be.
Maybe you need to go to the discos to find the Mithunda in your life.
..what can i say? Let astrologers be. Nonsensical all of them. Look how they dress!! No style. Nothing. Go to suneeta menon. she is nice. very stylish and all. if u wanna save some sindhi money then u must go through "kosmic chat" on zoom. she then does not charge. ekta kapoor pays her enough for sleeping with her. she is lesbian no? isnt she/ toodles. love ya.
ReplyDeletekissi hotel main jaye kissi disco main jaye*forgets couple of line*chalo ishq ladaye chalo ishq ladaye sanam.
ReplyDeletedude i seriously think u need another laptop.fuck wat the sunita menon-esque astrologer says.
the post wud hv been funnier if u cud translate what the astrolger told u in hindi esp the evil bit and disco bit.
This is what I've learned in the past. Indian astrologers are bang on about anyone and everyone except homosexuals. Every single fortune for my entire family was bang on except for me...
ReplyDeleteSo kick back, relax and think of Preity ...after all, it is the time to disco.
Came here because your profile pic was darn cute. And stayed to read because it seemed familiar.
ReplyDeleteThe one I went to called herself an 'astrologist' and she was spot on too, but she was so intrigued by my brother's horrifying future she chose to gloss over mine. Sibling rivalry dictates that I never go to another such.
wild reeds:- halo's ! "Follow your heart. You will succeed at whatever you feel passionate about, irrespective of what others say" exactly my sentiment !
ReplyDeleteviraf: Dah-ling ! Gimme some credit here :) There aint no woman here !! The fact that he ddnt fathom [guess?!] my sexuality is the only hope that he was a jerk head. Aaah, he also hinted I dun get hitched [married] until 28 and ma wife's gonna hate my sis !! I reckon, he's like some special astrologer [read scriptwriter] for ekta kapoor.
and no mithunda's in ma disco !!! All i see is da bappi lahiri(s) !
sexandmumbai: * smacks u on ur derriere * [and NO that isnt meant to turn u ON !!! ]
appy: dude, i seriously DO need a new [nicer] laptop !!! the sony vaio fx series it is !! And the astrologer my child spoke in English. Its 2006. They dun wear no dhotti's nomore.
saywhat: yea, well - i am hoping it works :) and ofcorse we'll disco when i come 2 bkk!!
sue: bonjour :) "Astrologist" *rolls eyes * Well, I reckon his was a plain case of prejudice. Bloody prejudice !! Unless my sister paid him * ponders * Whatever the case, lesson learnt :) Dont go with TWO other people to have ur future learnt ! not the brightest of things to do.
p.s: Loved ur second blog- dreaming my days away :) You MUST write more often !!!
cheers !
can i say wild reeds puts me to sleep before comment is halfway thro? or d'you like him?
ReplyDeleteastrologers, well, they're better than those strange robots on juhu beach. i keep thinking of RGV movies. all the time i do. wen i think fortune tellers i do.
I once had sex with an astrologer. Does that count?
ReplyDelete