Event: Blood Sucking Session
Location: The Living Room
Ambience: 7 fucking 45 am in the morning. Groggy. Sleepy and Annonying !!!
Characters: The mother. The lab assistant aka blood sucker, moi (Imagine sleepy groggy father walking down the staircase)
10 mins earlier: Rohit banging on the bedroom door frantically !!!
Rohit: Bhaiya bhaiya, uttoh - khoon lene aaye hain ! * THAT IS PRECISELY HOW HE SAID IT *
for the benighted - its wake up, the lab assistant is here to take your blood sample *
me: seated on the couch staring at the lab assistant meddling with the mothers blood sample. Eww !
mom: seated across chattering and insisting the b.s take a cuppa tea. [ who cares - take blood and fck off ]
blood sucker aka lab assistant(b.s): seated inbetween the mother and I
b.s: removes needle
me: [palpitatingly present my arm]
* b.s sucks on my blood. a deep red crimson shade *
me: can i go now !!!?
b.s: no, what about your urine sample
me: I dun have ne.
b.s: givin me the duh look, then go get one dude
mum: go beta, do susu !
me: SUSU !?! we still call it susu !?!
bs: hands over ugly bottle
me: ahem !
mum: go upstairs to my bathroom, theres a mug, relieve urself in that and then transfer
me [ready to pass out with the morbid graphic details my mother wishes to discuss in OUR LIVING ROOM on my lovely couch in front of a strange man who just poked me with a needle. My poor couch]
me [now must certainly waiting for the earth to explode] err, i'll manage ma :)
mum: [suddenly jumps with sudden idea ] oh no, why the mug. You can pee directly into the bottle ! Here lemme see the bottle !
[ examines the head of the bottle ]
me [ she ddnt just do that, did she !?! O M F G ]
mum: haan, u can pee in the bottle directly !!!!
Like having a needle poked in my arm wasnt enough !! And you thought your family was embarassing !!!!!!! And all this at 7.45 am !!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGH !
i know wat u mean. i had to hv a stool test but was dead against it. so my family doc joked that maybe i did not like the dabba my mom gave me . maybe a brand new colourful plastic container wud motivate me.docs hv such crappy sense of humour.they dont realise tht humour is not their forte
ReplyDeleteyes its called susu.eew eew.
if my mums efforts to get me to pee in a container ddnt gross me out, ur stool dabba story definitely knocked me out !
ReplyDeletescarred for life once again !!!
[med student]urine samples should be early morning, clean-catch, midstream samples. not peeing into the container and certainly not peeing into somthign else and pouring it into the container[/med student]
ReplyDeleteyes and total total total sympathies about the blood tests, i cant stand em at all myself. its awful. and i hafta get em done often, its horrible *cries*
midstream samples are kinda tuff. gotta stop u're piss after a few seconds - strategically place ur organ over the bottle - and resume the urination process (and it'll go in, only if u're steady - otherwise, u're bound to moisten up the fingers that hold the bottle as well)
ReplyDeleteas if veed wasn't enough we now hv say what givin us a detailed info as well
ReplyDeletehehehe....
ReplyDeleteRTFLMAO
Poor poor you! When will parents stop embarrassing their grown-up children?!
ReplyDelete